From a very young age, I was sure I’d never get married. (Spoiler, I’m married).
I think I was about 13 when I decided I was going to travel the world, help people and stay single like some kind of millennial Mother Theresa. I genuinely thought it was my destiny to be alone.
In middle school, I actually had this moment where I fell to my bedroom floor and wept because I “realized” I would never get married. Gosh, I was dramatic.
I carried it around with me like a trophy. In a chaste, proud manner, I would tell people I wasn’t meant to get married. I was meant to be an independent woman warrior for Jesus.
Let me tell you all something I don’t have time for these days: independent women warriors – Jesus or no Jesus.
Will I Ever Find Someone?
So many women think they’ll never get married. I remember being in college, and it was like the plight of our female existence. We were either weeping and moaning about it, or being all crazy feminist about it. I don’t need a man. I can do it myself. Girl power!
I guess it’s a girl thing. We all want to be with someone, but we think we aren’t good enough, so we push people away and blast our feminist power all over everything.
Now I’m not saying there isn’t room for healthy feminism. I think women should have equal wages, equal treatment… equal equality ok? I’m not putting down women. I’m just not convinced that any woman who says she “don’t need no man” is being honest with herself.
Sure, you don’t need one. But I’m almost positive you want one.
Or maybe not. It’s possible that it was just me. I wanted desperately to be loved unconditionally by someone, but I didn’t think I was good enough. So I pushed men away and made sure everyone and their brother knew that my destiny had higher and more important things for me than trivial marriage and child rearing.
Can any of you relate?
I’ve since come to realize that cultivating a healthy marriage and well-raised children is one of the highest callings I could answer. But anyway.
I know how it feels to think you’re never going to find anyone. So here are three things to remember when you start lamenting your seemingly inevitable destiny as a solitary cat lady.
3 Things to Remember If You Think You’ll Never Get Married
1. Statistically, You’ll Get Married
According to the Pew Research Center, 51% of adults in the United States are married and of those 45 years old and older, 90% have been married.
So the vast majority of Americans are married.
For millennials, the chance of getting married has dropped in the last decade. But millennials aren’t abstaining from marriage because they don’t want to wed. 61% of unmarried people want to be married, but there are lots of factors keeping us from it.
Many millennials want to be in a stable career before they get married. Unfortunately, we can barely find jobs, let alone be in stable ones. Lots of us are stuck at home with our parents, terrified of starting real life, doing internship after internship. That’s just the millennial way, which is not very conducive to marriage.
But even then, we get married eventually. Just a little later than our boomer parent counterparts.
2. There is Nothing So Wrong With You that No One Wants You
There is someone out there for everyone. No matter how weird or annoying or particular or ugly or gorgeous or superior or educated or idiotic you are, someone out there can complement you.
Maybe you’re concerned no one will accept all horrible things you’ve done.
Or, maybe you’ve been abused in the past and you’re afraid no one will ever treat you well.
Maybe you’ve been told some part of your body is flawed and it would disgust your significant other.
Maybe your parents led you to believe you weren’t good enough for anyone.
But listen, I’m here to tell you that you’re good enough. You are sufficient for someone else’s needs. Don’t be afraid of the unknown. Fear is only holding you back. I even have a free printable just for you to help you remember:
Remember that love isn’t about all those things that are wrong. When you love someone, you see past their flaws and you love them for who they are. So why shouldn’t someone love you for who you are?
3. Being Single is the Freaking Best
Like I said at the beginning of this post, I’m married and have been for a little over a year. And literally thought I would never get married or have children until about two weeks before I met my husband.
Within a week of meeting him, I knew we would get married and I was pretty simultaneously stoked and upset about it. Ya know why? Because being single is awesome! My husband is wonderful. I never ever want to be without him ever, but there is one thing I had to give up when I married him: selfishness.
You can’t be selfish once you have a spouse, and if you are it causes problems. When you live alone you can be as selfish as you want and no one cares.
I thought when I was single that I was selfless. I traveled all over the place and helped people with my time. I gave my money to people in need. I was a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on when my friends needed me. I was a good person.
But at the end of the day, I got to go home to my own bed, my own space, my own food, my own money. And I could do whatever I wanted to do with the remainder of my time. I had all the time in the world to watch The Gilmore Girls. That’s what being single affords you.
It was only when I got married and I never would have my own space, my own money, my own food again that I realized all those good things I did didn’t make me selfless. They just made me a decent human.
So if you’re single don’t freak out about it. Statistically, you’ll probably get married, and there are a whole lot of people out there who want to get married too. Out of all those people, SOMEBODY is gonna think you’re the bees’ knees even if you don’t think you are. So chill, you’ll find each other.
And until you do, enjoy being by yourself, because once you’re married (if you’re serious about marriage anyway) there is no going back. And that’s not a bad thing. It’s fantastic, but being single can be too.