3 Things to Remember if You Think You’ll Never Get Married | So many women think they’re never getting married. We think we aren’t good enough and that no one will love us for who we are. Often, we cover up our desire for companionship by blasting our female power and pushing men away. I think feminism is healthy, and I think being single and singleness in general is fantastic, BUT many women want covenant companionships and become depressed when they don’t have them. So click through for three things to help you feel better when you start lamenting that you are a single girl.

3 Things to Remember if You Think You’ll Never Get Married

From a very young age, I was sure I’d never get married. (Spoiler, I’m married).

I think I was about 13 when I decided I was going to travel the world, help people and stay single like some kind of millennial Mother Theresa. I genuinely thought it was my destiny to be alone.

In middle school, I actually had this moment where I fell to my bedroom floor and wept because I “realized” I would never get married. Gosh, I was dramatic.

I carried it around with me like a trophy. In a chaste, proud manner, I would tell people I wasn’t meant to get married. I was meant to be an independent woman warrior for Jesus.

Let me tell you all something I don’t have time for these days: independent women warriors – Jesus or no Jesus.

Will I Ever Find Someone?

So many women think they’ll never get married. I remember being in college, and it was like the plight of our female existence. We were either weeping and moaning about it, or being all crazy feminist about it. I don’t need a man. I can do it myself. Girl power!

I guess it’s a girl thing. We all want to be with someone, but we think we aren’t good enough, so we push people away and blast our feminist power all over everything.

Now I’m not saying there isn’t room for healthy feminism. I think women should have equal wages, equal treatment… equal equality ok? I’m not putting down women. I’m just not convinced that any woman who says she “don’t need no man” is being honest with herself.

Sure, you don’t need one. But I’m almost positive you want one.

Or maybe not. It’s possible that it was just me. I wanted desperately to be loved unconditionally by someone, but I didn’t think I was good enough. So I pushed men away and made sure everyone and their brother knew that my destiny had higher and more important things for me than trivial marriage and child rearing.

Can any of you relate?

I’ve since come to realize that cultivating a healthy marriage and well-raised children is one of the highest callings I could answer. But anyway.

I know how it feels to think you’re never going to find anyone. So here are three things to remember when you start lamenting your seemingly inevitable destiny as a solitary cat lady.

3 Things to Remember If You Think You’ll Never Get Married

3 Things to Remember if You Think You’ll Never Get Married | So many women think they’re never getting married. We think we aren’t good enough and that no one will love us for who we are. Often, we cover up our desire for companionship by blasting our female power and pushing men away. I think feminism is healthy, and I think being single and singleness in general is fantastic, BUT many women want covenant companionships and become depressed when they don’t have them. So click through for three things to help you feel better when you start lamenting that you are a single girl.

1. Statistically, You’ll Get Married

According to the Pew Research Center, 51% of adults in the United States are married and of those 45 years old and older, 90% have been married.

So the vast majority of Americans are married.

For millennials, the chance of getting married has dropped in the last decade. But millennials aren’t abstaining from marriage because they don’t want to wed. 61% of unmarried people want to be married, but there are lots of factors keeping us from it.

Many millennials want to be in a stable career before they get married. Unfortunately, we can barely find jobs, let alone be in stable ones. Lots of us are stuck at home with our parents, terrified of starting real life, doing internship after internship. That’s just the millennial way, which is not very conducive to marriage.

But even then, we get married eventually. Just a little later than our boomer parent counterparts.

2. There is Nothing So Wrong With You that No One Wants You

There is someone out there for everyone. No matter how weird or annoying or particular or ugly or gorgeous or superior or educated or idiotic you are, someone out there can complement you.

Maybe you’re concerned no one will accept all horrible things you’ve done.

Or, maybe you’ve been abused in the past and you’re afraid no one will ever treat you well.

Maybe you’ve been told some part of your body is flawed and it would disgust your significant other.

Maybe your parents led you to believe you weren’t good enough for anyone.

But listen, I’m here to tell you that you’re good enough. You are sufficient for someone else’s needs. Don’t be afraid of the unknown. Fear is only holding you back. I even have a free printable just for you to help you remember:

 

6 Ways to Remember You Are Enough | There are so many factors that go in our self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-image. But at the end of the day, it isn't how you look that defines you. It's what's on the inside that makes you beautiful. Click through to read six ways to be content with your self-image and love yourself. Plus, get my free you-are-enough printable! | self-care | self-love | love yourself |

 

Remember that love isn’t about all those things that are wrong. When you love someone, you see past their flaws and you love them for who they are. So why shouldn’t someone love you for who you are?

3. Being Single is the Freaking Best

Like I said at the beginning of this post, I’m married and have been for a little over a year. And literally thought I would never get married or have children until about two weeks before I met my husband.

Within a week of meeting him, I knew we would get married and I was pretty simultaneously stoked and upset about it. Ya know why? Because being single is awesome! My husband is wonderful. I never ever want to be without him ever, but there is one thing I had to give up when I married him: selfishness.

You can’t be selfish once you have a spouse, and if you are it causes problems. When you live alone you can be as selfish as you want and no one cares.

I thought when I was single that I was selfless. I traveled all over the place and helped people with my time. I gave my money to people in need. I was a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on when my friends needed me. I was a good person.

But at the end of the day, I got to go home to my own bed, my own space, my own food, my own money. And I could do whatever I wanted to do with the remainder of my time. I had all the time in the world to watch The Gilmore Girls. That’s what being single affords you.

It was only when I got married and I never would have my own space, my own money, my own food again that I realized all those good things I did didn’t make me selfless. They just made me a decent human.

Stay Calm

So if you’re single don’t freak out about it. Statistically, you’ll probably get married, and there are a whole lot of people out there who want to get married too. Out of all those people, SOMEBODY is gonna think you’re the bees’ knees even if you don’t think you are. So chill, you’ll find each other.

And until you do, enjoy being by yourself, because once you’re married (if you’re serious about marriage anyway) there is no going back. And that’s not a bad thing. It’s fantastic, but being single can be too.


7 thoughts on “3 Things to Remember if You Think You’ll Never Get Married

  1. SO true! While marriage is becoming less and less common in opting to live together rather than just go ahead and get married, still most people are getting married! Even if you are single, you are never alone though as long as you have good friends by your side!

  2. I love this. I’m in graduate school in NYC and for the first time in my life I’ve been thinking wow what if it never happens for me! But this post makes me feel less worried about it and I’m going to enjoy being single for now!

  3. Thanks for writing this amazing post! I always think that I’m never good enough for anyone and no one will ever be good enough for me. I have yet to find a person to be an equal to me or better. Almost every relationship I have always ends and sometimes not on good terms. I bury my head in work and education because that is what I do best. I have not accepted the fact that I might be single for the rest of my life but I keep trying. Maybe I should just enough the single life for the moment. This post gives me great joy for what the future holds.

    1. Sheri, I so glad this post resonated with you! And I really do know the feeling of feeling like you’ll never find someone. My husband and I were literally just talking a few nights ago about how we probably wouldn’t remarry if something happened to either of us. We love being married, but there is so much you can do when you aren’t. So glad to have you reading!

  4. I find this validating information… only for genetic females. I identify as transgender and this limits me SOOOOO much when it comes to finding and being in a happy relationship. Im CONVINCED I will NEVER marry on the grounds of my orientation and identity. I dont believe there is a single man OR woman out there in the big wide world that will accept me for who I am, looking passed my physical flaws just to feel my heart and mind. I’m doomed to be a spinster till the day I die… unless you got any good ideas, cuz Im out of them…

    1. Hi Jessica, I’ve been thinking for a few days on what to reply to your message. I, of course, don’t know your personal struggles or much about you, but I have to say I still disagree that you are doomed to be alone all your life. I have met transgender people who are in happy relationships. And I know that in the LGBT community, trans people often feel left out or lesser than, but I don’t think that makes you any less of a person or any less lovable. You deserve just as much love and friendship as the next person.

      Also, there is so much to say for surrounding yourself with community outside of romantic relationships. Almost every female I’ve met (outside of the angry feminist type, and, truly, I’m not convinced they don’t feel this way too) believes at one point or another that they are unlovable. But a single female, being trans female or cis female, can flourish in community. And I mean real community, not social media or online (though these avenues are often helpful, as well).

      One of my very closest friends identifies as being gay (I know that’s not trans, but hang in there with me), and he has decided to live a life of celibacy. Often, this is a point of turmoil for him. BUT he is extremely intentional about making deep, close friendships and being open and honest about his life. He is a very fulfilled person even though he believes he will never get married.

      Don’t limit yourself, Jessica. Even in your thoughts, don’t put yourself down. You are worthy of love and affection, and I’m sure no one views you they way you view yourself. And if anyone puts you down, know that they are the ones with the problem. I don’t know if any of this helps.

      Do you have a close community? Or a place you can go to start building one?

      Feel free to send me an email if you want to chat more. rachel@whollyunimpressive.com.

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